Isshin's Milkshakes
by Akidrana
Summary: This is a one-shot that had been on my mind for so long. What if Isshin had convinced Orihime into seducing Ichigo? It's all apart of his master plan.
1. Isshin's Milkshakes

**Author Notes: **Hey, everyone. Ok, I know you saw the title and the first thing you thought was "Wickity-wha" or "This is going to be epic XD" or "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard..." Yeah if you thought of the last one, then great minds think alike. That's what I was thinking of when I decided to write this. The song had me thinking, _Hey! What would happen if Isshin somehow convinced Orihime to come to the house and seduce Ichigo? _But then I was like _What if Isshin drugged them up and Orihime unconsciously started seducing Ichigo?_ These two thoughts lead to a fork in the road. I didn't know which one to write. But then I thought, _WHO CARES! I can write them both._ And thus this one shot (well, two-shot) was born. Hope you like it.

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Isshin's Milkshakes

"My milkshake brings all the boys to the YARD! La la, la la, la. Boys are waiting on my milkshaaaaakkesss!" Isshin sang as he danced around the kitchen. Just then Ichigo walked in on his dad's happy mood. "Damn it's too early in the morning for this," he growled as he rubbed the back of his head. Isshin turned to see his still sleepy son.

'GOOOD MORNIIING ICHIGOOOOO!'

**WHAM**

Ichigo kicked his dad in the face as he lunged after his son. "Grr," he growled again. "Why the hell can't you just be normal for once in your life?" "Sorry son, it just comes naturally." Isshin managed to mumble through the blood dripping from his nose. Ichigo snarled. "Well act normal tonight. Orihime's coming over and I don't want her thinking that I live in a mad house. You got it?" "Yes sir," Isshin saluted. Ichigo sighed and headed to the front door. "Behave yourself while I'm gone." "Yes" Isshin barked.

Karin walked down stairs along with Yuzu. "Where's Ichigo? Did he eat breakfast?" Yuzu worried. "No, he left for school. He had to go meet ORIHIME." Isshin emphasized while moving his eyebrows up and down. Karin chuckled at this thought. "What is so funny Karin?" Yuzu questioned. "Yuzu, you are going to have to let go of your big brother soon." She replied while patting her on the back. "What?" Yuzu shuddered. "Don't worry Yuzu." Isshin tried to comfort her0, "You still have daddy." "Take a hike you old goat!" Karin yelled punching him in the face. He fell backwards stumbling over his own feet. Yuzu ran over to help her dad stand up. Isshin was crying. This random act surprised both Yuzu and Karin. "Dad?" Yuzu worried. "Old pervert?" Karin questioned.

"GGAAAAAHHH!" Isshin howled. He was crying he was actually crying. "Ichigo you fool! Orihime needs your affection."

'What the hell is he talking about?'

'I don't know Karin. Maybe you hit him too hard.'

'That's not it. I always hit him that hard.'

Isshin cried out again. "Ichigo! Orihime needs love she needs a man's touch. You are not man enough for the job if you can't give her the loving she always dreamed of." Isshin's eyes twinkled with inspiration. "Yes! Tonight I will make a man out of you, Ichigo Kurosaki."

Yuzu and Karin stared at their father in awe-gazing wonder. "I don't think I like the sound of that," Karin said. "Me neither," Yuzu agreed. Isshin let out a satisfied chuckle. He vowed to carry out this plan.

Ichigo sat in class attempting to figure out what Mrs. Ochi was talking about, when suddenly something hit him in the head. He looked down to find a crinkled piece of paper on his desk. Ichigo was just about to crumble it up and throw it away when he heard motion from somewhere behind him. Ichigo turned around to see Orihime's red face looking at him nervously. Ichigo smiled a warm smile at her letting her know he wasn't going to ignore the note like she thought he would. Ichigo opened up his admirer's letter.

_Ichigo before we go to your house,_

_Can we stop by the store? I would like _

_to buy some food to make dinner for _

_your family. Check ____Yes or ____No._

Ichigo laughed to himself. His girlfriend was still using the "check yes or no" tactic. He checked one of the lines and scribbled a little note underneath. He turned behind him and asked one of the students who was closest to her to pass her the note. Orihime received the note with curiosity and anxiety.

___Yes or __ X __No_

_Hime you are our guest._

_You don't need to be serving_

_us dinner. Relax, it will be fine._

_Thank you for the offer though._

Orihime breathed a sigh of relief. Even though she was disappointed that she couldn't make them some curry soufflé for dinner, Ichigo always had a way of making her feel important. She turned to look at the lesson on the board. She couldn't wait to finish the school day.

Isshin ran up and down the aisles in the store looking for all the items on his list. Where is the sex section, Ms.?" He asked the clerk. "Uh, we don't have a sex section, sir. We have a family planning section if you are looking for something along that line." She replied a little disturbed and embarrassed by his question. "Thank you! You have saved my son's sex life!" he yelled back loudly at her. Isshin rushed down the rows onto the next aisle.

"Hmm. No not this. No not that. Maybe. Oh, this looks nice. Hehe, this might be good. Oh yeah, baby! This one will definitely work!" he thought loudly to himself. Isshin sprinted to the checkout line. "Phase one is a go in plan Make-Ichigo-a-man-tonight. Isshin paid the cost and ran down the street to his house. He couldn't wait for Ichigo to see what he had in store.

Ichigo and Orihime said good bye to their friends as they walked back to Ichigo's house.

"So what do you want do to first when we get there"

"Oh-uh..I can help with whatever you and the family needs help with"

"No Hime. I mean do you want to get settled in, eat dinner, take a bath.." Ichigo choked.

"Um, Ichigo?"

Take a bath. Had he really said take a bath? What kind of perverted freak was he? Take a bath. That's almost like asking her to strip naked in front of him. Suddenly a dirty image popped up from his imagination.

_UHH! KUROSAKI! Orihime was covering her naked body and moaning for him to come touch her._

He held a hand to his now increasingly red face. "Ichigo, what's wrong" Orihime asked. "Nothing. Nothing." He replied, "Let's just head on in ok? So you can spread out your legs- I mean bed sheets. He walked ahead of her hoping to hide the red in his face.

Ichigo opened the door surprisingly it was quiet. No yelling, no arguing. Just quiet. Orihime stepped through the door.

"Wow Ichigo your house is still as nice as ever. And it's very quiet."

"Yeah, too quiet"

Ichigo went to find his dad who was working in the kitchen. Isshin ran around frantically to hide his plan from Ichigo.

"What are you doing in here, son? Get out."

"I came in here to find out why you weren't making any noise like you usually do."

"Well, maybe I don't wanna make any noise. Besides, you asked me to act normal for once while Orihime was here."

"Yeah, but I didn't know you were actually gonna do it. You surprised me." Ichigo scratched the back of his head.

"Well, I am willing to make the sacrifice for my son and beautiful daughter."

"She is NOT your daughter."

"Whatever."

Ichigo walked out to go help Orihime unpack and settle in. Isshin turned back to the task at hand. "Soon enough my dear boy, you and Orihime shall embark on the journey that they call LOVEEEE!" "Are you talking to yourself again," Karin asked leaning against the wall. "Uh, Karin. What are you doing here?" Isshin questioned with surprise. "I came down stairs to get something to drink. What are YOU doing in here. Last time I checked, Yuzu was the only one who did the cooking around here. So why are you in the kitchen?" Isshin stared at his daughter as if she were crazy. He turned around. "NOTHING. Never mind!" "Whatever." She left the kitchen after grabbing a soda. "Whew. That was a close one." Isshin thought to himself.

Upstairs Orihime bustled around busily. Ichigo tried to help, but Orihime insisted on doing it herself. Ichigo watched her with enthusiasm. She always managed to make him smile somehow. Orihime was such a unique person with an outgoing personality. He slowly stood up and made his way towards her. Orihime turned around just inches away from his face. They were both blushing at this point. "Ichigo, do you need something?" He reached up to touch her auburn hair with his calloused hands. He twirled the strand around and around between his fingers.

**"ICHIIIIGOOOOOO!" **

A loud voice yelled, startling both Ichigo and Orihime. "Damn that bastard" Ichigo cursed to himself. Orihime and Ichigo hurried down stairs to see what all the commotion, and yelling, was about. Isshin along with Karin and Yuzu were standing in the living room waiting on the two of them.

"Ichigo my boy, we are all happy that you brought Orihime home with you. And to commemorate this occasion I made us all milkshakes." Isshin hopped up and down with joy.

"That's what the yelling was all about?" Ichigo's eyebrow twitched as he snarled at his dad.

"But Ichigo. Don't you wanna celebrate with daddy?" Isshin pouted.

"Hell no. Let's go Orihime."

Ichigo turned around attempting to lead Orihime out of the room, but Orihime stopped him. "Ichigo..I think it would be nice to spend some quality time with your family." she stammered. Ichigo had forgotten that Orihime didn't have family like he did. How could he be so stupid to forget? He gave himself a kick to the ass. He was going to make the time she spent at his house worthwhile. "Orihime," Ichigo started. "OOOOKAAAAYY!" Isshin yelled. "Let's get shakin'!" Isshin brought out five milkshakes in fancy style cups. Karin and Yuzu received cups that had, for some unknown reason, polka dots and poodles. "What kind of cup is this you old pervert?" Karin asked completely disturbed by the way her cup looked. "I thought it looked cute in the store window." Isshin replied. "They actually put this in the window?" Ichigo questioned with a shudder. "That must have been the thrift store up the street. The one that always sells cheap and crazy mishmashes." "I think it looks cute," Orihime and Yuzu chimed in at the same time. Ichigo sighed a sigh of defeat. His dad was one crazy nut job. He looked at the three remaining cups that would belong to him, his father and Orihime. One of the cups looked just like the other two, but the remaining two cups were different. Ichigo noticed that they were champaign glasses. He tilted his head in wonder. Isshin noticed his son's puzzled look. "Ichigo, this is all a part of the plan." he whispered to himself. Isshin handed the two glasses to Orihime and Ichigo. "Bon appetite" he said with a fake accent. Ichigo took the glasses and gave one to Orihime. He stared at the liquid inside the glass. Something about it just irked him. Orihime was about to take a sip when Ichigo grabbed the glass from between her dainty fingers. "Ichigo what's wrong?" she questioned with surprise. "I don't know. But something about this whole charade is strange," He responded. Isshin looked puzzled as if he had no idea what Ichigo was talking about. "What charade? Ichigo what are you talking about?" Ichigo was starting to get pissed with his dad. Was he trying to pester him?

"Don't play with me old man. What is really going on here?"

"Ichigo, I just thought that you wanted me to act normal."

"So popping the champaign and throwing a party is NORMAL?!"

"Well then what is your version of normal?"

"NORMAL is letting your son have some time alone with his girlfriend!"

"I'm trying to help with that Ichigo."

"No you're not. You're being a pest."

"ENOUGH YOU TWO!" Ichigo and Isshin turned to see Orihime in tears. "Family should fight. It's sad when I see you fight with your dad, Ichigo." "Hime, this is normal we always do this" he tried to convince her. "NO, no, no. It shouldn't be this way. Families should be loving and kind. They should be laughing and playing with each other." Orihime cried out. She sat on the couch with tears streaming down her face. Ichigo knew if he didn't stop her she was going to make herself sick. He had seen her do it before. Her face gets all red then her nose starts to run, then the next thing you know she's in bed with a 101° fever.

"Hime I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause an argument. I definitely didn't mean to upset you." He apologized. "It's ok Ichigo," she sniffled whipping the tears from her eyes. Ichigo handed her the milkshake. She drank it all with a smile. "It's delicious!" she squealed with delight. Isshin grinned. Orihime tended to soften and brighten Ichigo's heart. It was only a matter of time now.

"Ichigo why didn't you drink the milkshake your father made you?" Orihime asked. They were back upstairs in his room. Orihime sat on the bed while Ichigo leaned back in the desk chair. "I wasn't really thirsty to begin with." He replied. "Well I would have drunken it for you," she smiled back mischievously. He chuckled at her comment. "Well, did you like it that much?" "Yes, as I said before it was delicious." She commented. "Fine, fine. I will go and get it if no one else has drunken it yet." He said as he walked to the door. "Bring it back upstairs so we can share," she smirked licking her lips. Ichigo's eyes widened in disturbance. "Ok, Hime. I will."

Ichigo came downstairs and found his dad giggling and talking to himself. "This is working. Not as planned, but it's good if Orihime drank it." "What are you talking about" Ichigo questioned. "Nothing. I'm just glad Orihime is enjoying herself. So….what have you to done since you went upstairs?" he tried not to act suspicious.

"We talked."

"About what."

"Not much."

"Well, what little did you talk about?"

"Nothing important."

"Well what was it?"

"Nothing! Geez, get off my back old man."

Ichigo searched for the milkshake. "What are you looking for?" Isshin asked. "The milkshake. No one drank it did they.?" He answered back. "Nope. Why? Do you want it?" he interrogated his son. Ichigo stared at his dad. "No, Orihime wants it." Isshin jumped at this. "It was for you though. I wanted you to have it." "Yeah, but Orihime liked it so much that she wanted mine." he walked towards the stairs. "No Ichigo! I made this drink for you and you are going to drink it!" Isshin protested. Ichigo dodged his dad's punch and walked up the stairs. All he could here was his dad mumbling something about a "big mistake". Ichigo slammed the door on his dad. "Sorry it took so long, Hime. My dad was going off on one of his usual tantrums." "Don't worry about it Ichi. I've waited a looong time for this." She moaned from the bed. Ichigo looked up to find Orihime naked on the bed. He turned his face, but not fast enough. The crimson spread across his cheeks. "Hime why are you naked?" "I told you already, I've waited a long time for this moment." She leaned over the side of the bed allowing him to see all her cleavage. The crimson moved farther and farther across his cheeks. She rubbed her naked body against the bed, moaning in pleasure every time her breast bounced back up. He couldn't take anymore torture. He ran out the room as fast as he could.

Downstairs he searched for his father, but couldn't find him. H saw a note on the dining table.

_Gone be back soon. Enjoy your alone time._

_ Love, Daddy_

Ichigo noticed a small box next to the note. He opened it up and to his dismay he found the one thing he knew meant his dad had planned this all out: Condoms.

Ichigo was infuriated now. He swore when he got his hands on his dad, he was going to kill him. Orihime ran down stairs screaming after Ichigo. He turned around just as she knocked him and the box to the floor. "Ichi you naughty boy. I didn't know you bought condoms too." She giggled. "No I didn't Orihime. My dad planned the entire thing out. Somehow he knew you were gonna get horny." Ichigo tried his hardest to get her off him. Then it occurred to him. His father spiked their drinks. That had to be it. There was no other way Orihime became so horny so fast. He didn't know what to do at this point. She wasn't gonna calm down anytime soon. "Ichigo," she begged him, "Do me. NOW". She was so arousing he was going crazy. He grabbed the box of condoms. Ichigo pulled down his pants and slipped one on. "Bottoms up," he said and chugged down the drink.

Ichigo hand Orihime on the floor as he pumped in and out fiercely. She screamed and moaned each time did. Ichigo lifted her up into his arms and carried her upstairs completely forgetting about his pants or his shirt. He threw Orihime on the bed and stepped back to observe the sight in front of him. Wow she was beautiful. He was lucky. A little too lucky. He grabbed the end of the bed and made his way slowly creeping on all fours. He hovered over her moaning and licking his lips. She motioned for him to claim her body. So he did. He pounced on her grabbing her hips as he plunged himself inside her. She bite the pillow in front of her as he rode her from behind. She screamed his name in pleasure. Just then Kon walked in wandering what was going on. "Orihime?" he stared in surprise. "My beautiful woman is being attacked by that monster. I was supposed to bang her first. WHY? Why Orihime?" Orihime was enjoying herself to much to notice Kon, but Ichigo on the other hand noticed. "Get out of her you stuffed sleaze." He said throwing a pillow at Kon's head. Ichigo turned back to Orihime, giving into his wildest dreams.

Isshin walked in along with the twins. Isshin could hear the noises from Ichigo's room. He quickly snuck upstairs to his door. He took out a glass cup and held one end against the door and the other against his ear. He didn't need it though because they were pretty loud. "YES!" Isshin shouted in triumph.

Yuzu, along with her sister, heard the noises downstairs. Karin chuckled. "It was bound to happen." "What, wait Karin. What are Ichigo and Orihime doing?" she questioned her sister. "Yuzu I think it's time you let go of your older brother. He seems to have found himself a better girl." Karin joked patting her sister on the back. "N-NO! I won't allow it!" she screamed in denial. Her brother was doing the unthinkable upstairs, right now, in his bedroom. Isshin cried with joy as he heard Orihime moan and the bed banging against the wall. "My son is a man! And he has made love to a beautiful woman. Masaki!"

After everything and everyone had calmed down, Ichigo walked downstairs with a pair of sweatpants on. Isshin greeted him chuckling about what he heard upstairs. "I know this was all you're doing you old goat." He swung at his dad. "I know you spiked our drinks. That's why you gave them to us." "What do you mean? I didn't spike your drinks they CAME like that." Isshin replied. Ichigo looked puzzled. "What do you mean 'came that way'?" he questioned. Isshin pulled a bottle out of the trash can. The label read: Sweet Delight (strawberry flavored)

"They sell stuff like that?" Ichigo asked. "Well of course they do. How do you think you were born?" Isshin grinned. Ichigo's face turned red again. "Oh God, dad! That's sick!"

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**Author Notes:** Yes I know a lot of people wanted more of the intense stuff. If you know what I mean. But it took so much writing just to get to the Naughty parts that by the time I wrote it, I was tired. So I wrapped it up. See ya reaalll soon. Oh God that sounded like Mickey Mouse.


	2. Isshin's Secrets

**Author Notes: **Alright this is number two of Isshin's milkshakes. This one is called... well read the title and you will find out. YEEAAAYUUUHHH! Lol that did NOT sound like Mickey Mouse.

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Isshin's Secrets

"And well that's all there really is to it," Isshin grinned. He was driving Orihime in his Prius down to the mall outlet. Somehow he had convinced her that it would be a great idea to help Ichigo out wit his sexual life. She was his girlfriend after all, but still it didn't feel right invading on his sexual privacy. But she wanted to help Ichigo in anyway she could. "All right I'll do it" she agreed. Isshin laughed with joy. "But do Karin and Yuzu really have to tag along?" Isshin looked at her confused. "Of course they do. This a learning experience." he laughed his usual laugh. Orihime blushed in nervousness. She hoped he wouldn't do anything weird.

They arrived at their destination. Isshin parked as the girls made their way to the entrance. "Oh wow. Look at all these shops." Yuzu exclaimed. "I wonder how many we will get to visit today." "Yuzu we come here all the time." Karin reminded her sister. "Yeah, but I think they built new shops" Yuzu responded. "You guys come here all the time?" Orihime questioned. "Yeah," Karin answered. "Well, I've never been here before. It looks amazing." "Alright let's go!" Isshin exclaimed.

Orihime looked worried. She had a bad feeling about the clothes store she was in. They were standing in a store with the word PINK everywhere. The sign read: Victoria's Secret. Orihime's face matched the color of one of the signs. What on earth had she gotten herself into? "Hi Ms. can I help you with something?" the employee asked. "Um..well-" "We are looking for a sexy outfit for my daughter-in-law to wear for her husband. It's their honeymoon." Isshin informed the lady. "Mr. Kurosaki" Orihime was embarrassed. "Call me Isshin." he instructed her. "Ok, Isshin why do I have to try on these outfits?"Isshin smiled "For Ichigo of course." Orihime continued to look worried. From the way things looked, this was not gonna end pretty.

"How about this one," the employee held out an outfit for Orihime to try on. "No. That one is see through." she replied. "What about this one" Isshin held up. "Oh no. That one is too short." She replied. Orihime was really starting to feel uncomfortable. Isshin and the lady had shown her dozens upon dozens of outfits. All she wanted to do was go home. She thought of a way to sneak out when suddenly an outfit caught her eye. She stared at it with a childish desire in her eyes. "Oh you like that one do you?" Isshin asked. Orihime blushed. "Ok then. Excuse me ma'am. I would like to buy this one."

Ichigo walked in the door after a long day of hollow hunting. He was extremely tired and wanted to get some sleep. Isshin on the other hand, had better plans for Ichigo. "Ichigo my boy welcome home." Isshin greeted, but not in his usual way. Ichigo was expecting a punch to the face, or at least an attempt. He was surprised by Isshin's unusual actions. "Dad what's wrong? Is it another hollow? Where are Yuzu and Karin? Are they hurt?" Ichigo was getting antsy. "Don't worry Ichigo they are fine. Yuzu took Karin with her to the store." Isshin consulted his emotions. "Besides, I'm almost certain you wouldn't want them home right now anyway." Ichigo tilted his head with a puzzled look. "I wouldn't?"

Orihime was nervous now. She waited upstairs in Ichigo's room. She had on her outfit. "I hope Ichigo doesn't think that I'm invading on his private life." she gasped. "Oh no! What if he thinks I'm a prostitute? Or what if he doesn't enjoy this? What if he DOES enjoy it and wants me to come over every day so he can masterbate?" She started to blush at the thought of Ichigo undoing his pants and pleasuring her body doggy-style. She blushed a deep red. How embarrassing.

Ichigo made his way up the stairs. Why the hell is Isshin so excited? A little more than usual. Ichigo sighed as he made his way to the door. He opened his bedroom door. "Ichigo," came a soft whisper. Ichigo looked up in shock. Orihime was on his bed. And not only that, but what was she wearing? Orihime was in a midthigh nightgown with spaghetti straps. The color was a warming lavender. The outfit was transparent with a fuzzy wrap for the neckline that barely came high enough to cover the cleavage that showed of the balls of her breast. The one thing that really caught Ichigo's eyes was the strawberries that were threaded into the outfit. The silky outfit made him blush a mad red.

He couldn't possible imagine what Orihime was thinking. "Ichigo," Orihime started, "I know this is all very strange, but I wanted to help. Isshin told me about your need of help in your sexual life so I figured, since I'm your girlfriend, who better to help you than me?" "Orihime" Ichigo blushed. "My dad has been saying that ever since we started dating each other. He just wanted me to express my love for you in a more intimate way. This is exactly what he wants me to do." "Oh" Orihime looked away. "How embarrassing. I thought I was helping you with your love life." Ichigo could see how hurt she was. He walked over to her and took her hand. "Hime" he whispered. "I love you so much". "I love you too." she replied. He leaned in for a kiss as they embraced each others warm bodies. Ichigo could smell her sweet scent. The thoughts filled his mind of what to say or what to do since she was already here. Ichigo pulled back to get another view of her.

Orihime blushed under his gaze. "I-Ichigo" "Yeah" he looked at her with fire and desire. "I-I want you." She didn't have to say another word. Ichigo got the memo and quickly tooko action.

Isshin was proud of his accomplishments. Somehow he had gotten Orihime to convince his stubborn mule of a son to devote himself to her. He smiled with content. His son really was growing up. He wasn't a kid anymore. He could do things on his own now. He was pretty much a legal adult at this point in his life. Someone was coming down the steps. Isshin looked in the direction that the noise was coming from. He saw his son in the doorway. They stared at each other for a minute or so, until Ichigo broke the silence. "Orihime is resting." "Yeah, I'll bet so" he replied. "You know you didn't have to force her into all this" Ichigo said taking a seat on the couch across from his dad. "Yeah but she seemed to determined. Determined to make you happy" he said. Ichigo leaned back smiling with pleasure at the thought of his girlfriend. "Yeah, cuz that's just the kind of person she is."

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**Author Notes:** Sorry it was so short. I had to go play Uno with my family. I also had an essay to write on "To Kill a Mockingbird". That book is so confusing. Why do teachers insist on giving us complicated books to read. Anyway I really wanna get back to writing Love, Pocky, and Little Kurosaki. This entire one-shot thing had just been on my mind for a while. I hope you liked it though it was pretty short.


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